


Disgusting

by Cheeseanonioncrisps



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Asexual!Crowley, Bickering, Crack Fic, Dialogue, Funny, Gen, Headcanon, Queerplatonic relationship, Quick Read, argument, aromantic!aziraphale, aromantic!crowley, asexual!aziraphale, aziraphale loves food, i just feel like we need more aroace tagged fics, just straight up dialogue– there is no action here, platonic aziraphale and crowley, really short, short fic, tbh you could easily interpret this as romantic if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 16:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20781386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeseanonioncrisps/pseuds/Cheeseanonioncrisps
Summary: Snake Soup is a real thing, and has been a Cantonese delicacy for 2,000 years. Apparently it tastes quite sweet, because it usually has added chrysanthemum leaves and spices, but the meat inside tastes like chicken.To be clear, I have nothing against the idea of people eating snakes. I'm a vegetarian personally, but I don't see how it's that different to eating any other kind of meat. I'm only referencing the Chinese dish specifically because it was the first thing that came up when I googled 'snake meat'.This is purely a  joke about Crowley hating the idea of snakes being eaten because he's a snake, not me trying to get at other cultures where people eat snake meat.This story was also posted on Tumblr.





	Disgusting

“That’s disgusting, angel.”

“It’s not _that_ bad.”

“I can’t believe you’d do that. After all we’ve been through together!”

“It was centuries ago, Crowley! It was while I was staying in China, it’s quite a delicacy over there.”

“Oh, well I suppose, if it’s a _delicacy_. I wouldn’t want to let our _years of friendship_ get in the way of you stuffing yourself with local food.”

“I wasn’t ‘stuffing myself’! And may I say, dear boy, you’re taking this far too personally.”

_“Snake. Soup._ You ate Sssnake Ssssoup, made with actual snakes, much like me, your friend, the actual sssnake, and you accuse me of taking it too personally. How would you like it if I went around eating angels?!”

“That’s not the same at all! And anyway, just because you’ve got a snake _form,_ doesn’t mean you’re actually a snake, anymore than I’m a human just because I look like one.”

“Then maybe I should just go around eating _humansss_. How would you like that?!”

“Oh, I refuse to talk to you when you’re like this!”

“Well, if I’m ssso hard to talk to you could always just eat me! Bet you’d enjoy that.”

“If you _must_ know, I didn’t enjoy it all that much when I _did_ eat snake soup. My Cantonese was a tad rusty at the time, and I was already halfway through it before they managed to get across to me exactly what I was eating. I couldn’t… really finish it after that. Couldn’t stomach it. I certainly never had it again all the time I was there.”

“… You didn’t like it?”

“Well, I mean, that is to say, it didn’t feel _right_. What with you being…”

“A snake.”

“Well, yes.”

“Even though I’m not technically an actual snake, and it’s just my demonic form?”

“Even so, my dear. I’m sorry I ever ate it all, really.”

“No need to apologise about it, angel. S'not really your fault if humans go around eating snakes. You weren’t to know.”

“Still.”

“…Er, Aziraphale?”

“Yes Crowley?”

“What… what do I taste like?”

_“Crowley!_ Well, if you’re anything like the ones I tried then chicken, probably.”

“Hmm. Y'know I read somewhere that humans taste kinda like pork.”

“That’s nice dear.”

**Author's Note:**

> Snake Soup is a real thing, and has been a Cantonese delicacy for 2,000 years. Apparently it tastes quite sweet, because it usually has added chrysanthemum leaves and spices, but the meat inside tastes like chicken.
> 
> To be clear, I have nothing against the idea of people eating snakes. I'm a vegetarian personally, but I don't see how it's that different to eating any other kind of meat. I'm only referencing the Chinese dish specifically because it was the first thing that came up when I googled 'snake meat'. 
> 
> This is purely a joke about Crowley hating the idea of snakes being eaten because he's a snake, not me trying to get at other cultures where people eat snake meat.
> 
> This story was also posted on Tumblr.


End file.
